Light-skinned-ed Girl

The Silences of the Multiracial People Gathering

I loved being around so many multiracial and multicultural people at the Loving Decision Conference last week.  I felt an instant fellowship and belonging that often eludes me in other settings when I am so aware of my difference or exoticism or whatever it is that makes people stare at me and question my background.

It was a wonderful kind of "coming out" party for me.  I didn't feel apologetic when I introduced myself at the Friday night extravaganza as African-American and Danish.

So the conference ended up being an affirming experience, but then still it seemed that there were silences that maybe we could address at the next gathering.

I kept stopping myself from asking a certain question all weekend until it accidently slipped out as I spoke to a biracial artist about a project she was working on--"Well, how did you end up doing that?" I asked. "What are you?"  AWWK!  The verboten question.  And here I was asking it of someone.  She was nice and answered, but really: what made me feel like I needed to know?  And what made me feel like I shouldn't ask?  At lunch we talked about how it was okay for another mixed person to ask because the question came out of "love?" and understanding, but it wouldn't be okay for a monoracial person to ask.  Hmmm . . .

And then, there were the wonderful moments when I swapped hair stories - product recommendations and hair care tips-- but by the end of the conference I was longing for a more political discussion.  I was pleased when a young panelist for the Topaz Club mentioned that her mission was to "abolish whiteness"--meaning she wanted to end the privilege of whiteness in America.  I remember when I was 20 and had the same radical thoughts.  I think I still do, but I don't give them voice in the same way.

The conference was a great social meet-up for me.  I hope that next year, it will be a consciousness-raising one as well!

Loving Decision Conference: the Aftermath Part 1

Yesterday, the last day of the conference, started a little late for me.  I missed the first panel because---well, I was tired from the night before.  The extravaganza lasted until sometime around 11pm and then I was wound up and feeling a little jittery about my 10:45am reading.  All went well though.  I read from the first chapter of Light-skinned-ed Girl to a wonderful audience.  One man wrote in response to my reading which was unfortunately cut a little short: "I know this little girl.  I hope she is okay."  And on the way out of the room, he whispered to me: "I love that little girl."  Me too.  I want everyone to love her too.  The afternoon panel was an interesting discussion between and among biracial women of the Topaz Club, a sisterhood of biracial women of African and African-American descent.  And then that was it.  I was exhausted and left the scene--reluctantly because I knew there were so many other lovely connections to make--but I was just too tired to make good conversation.

That's the best of my reportage of the event.  I've been processing the whole experience and hope to post more reflective thoughts in the next days.  But thank you to AMEA and Jummy Bullock for creating this event and bringing us together!

Loving Decision Conference Day 2

Thrilled and exhausted after the first day of the conference.  And yes, we were that lake-sized group of folks from yellow to chocolately brown.  I felt an instant fellowship.  I was a mocha baby nodding fool.  And girl!  The hair stories we all had.

I moderated a panel that showcased four other amazing artists.  (I also did a short reading from the novel manuscript I hadn't read in public before -- a really scary moment, but I think it was received well.)  Arana Fossett presented her great artwork which consisted of drawings, a beautiful crazy quilt, and a lovely shadowbox of cameos of multiracial women with various kinds of hair.  Octavio Warnock-Graham screened his moving documentary "Silences."  Jesus Macarena-Avila presented his artwork which re-appropriates stereotyped images and also delves into the history of images of the mestizaje.  Mica Anders explained her photography project as well as a project called "Racial Algebra."  Very cool stuff.

The highlight of the day was meeting fellow writers before the extravaganza.  The evening event was delayed so we had a chance to talk a little bit.  My American Melting Pot is here and did a FANTASTIC reading from her to-be-published memoir Kinky Gazpacho.  This lady is funny and talented and has a great tale to tell about how she joined the multiracial community when she married a Spaniard and became the mother of two biracial kids.  I also got a chance to meet Janet Stickmon a talented writer and spoken word artist who read from her memoir about being black and Filipino: Crushing Soft Rubies.  Check it out.  AMEA head Jummy Bullock has put together a really great event.  Kudos.  I'll have more later and more reflection.  Right now I've got to get back to my people!

Loving Decision Conference Day 1

Today is the first day of the Loving Decision Conference celebrating the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision clearing the way for interracial marriages in every state.

I'm a little nervous.  I'll be speaking today and tomorrow but that's not entirely why my nerves are on edge.  It's because I have so much expectation of being greeted by a wonderful little world of mocha baby and mocha-baby-friendly people.  I imagine this: a sea or large lake-sized collection of yellow to brown people with a bunch of crazy hair all looking at each other like a reflection.  This should be the place that I belong.  What if it isn't? 

Well, I'll find out soon.  Today there are wonderful performances and panels on everything from art to transracial adoption to community building.  I'll let you know how it all goes.

Light-skinned Guilt and James Baldwin

My friend who is biracial (half white and half Jamaican) and very light-skinned has been talking to me about how she's realized that she's felt a lot of guilt about her light-skin and white features.  (She has blond (curly) hair and blue eyes.)  She has recognized that there were (are) often times when she's been favored (sometimes overtly) because she is closer-to-white looking.  She has light-skin privilege and therefore light-skin guilt.

I hadn't really thought about it that way before.  But I suppose I have felt that way myself.

How does this guilt manifest itself?  I try to deflect attention from myself-whether that means dressing down, or letting my hair be a hot mess.  I do my best to code-switch (which by the way I am terrible at) to let other African-Americans that I don't want to be singled out for speaking a certain way (for "talking white").  I try to erase myself or I try to blend.  Either way, it's a function of guilt.  I don't want to be favored because of this thing--the way that I look.

James Baldwin (brilliant James Baldwin!) wrote in his essay "White Man's Guilt": "I have often wondered, and it is not a pleasant wonder, just what white Americans talk about with one another.  I wonder this because they do not, after all, seem to find very much to say to me, and I concluded long ago that they found the color of my skin inhibiting.  This color seems to operate as a most disagreeable mirror, and a great deal of one's energy is expended in reassuring white Americans that they do not see what they see.  This is utterly futile, of course, since they do see what they see.  And what they see is an appallingly oppressive and bloody history known all over the world.  What they see is a disastrous, continuing, present condition which menaces them, and for which they bear an inescapable responsibility.  But since in the main they seem to lack the energy to change this condition they would rather not be reminded of it.  Does this mean that in their conversation with one another, they merely make reassuring sounds?  It scarcely seems possible, and yet, on the other hand, it seems all too likely.  In any case, whatever they bring to one another, it is certainly not freedom from guilt."

Now substitute light-skinned blacks for "white Americans."  Is it the same thing?

Certainly, on one level it is.  But is the guilt warranted because we too have a responsibility for the "appallingly oppressive and bloody history"?  Light-skinned blacks have been favored historically.  True.  During slavery they were "house negroes" often with more privileges than darker-skinned blacks.  After Emancipation and beyond, it was often lighter-skinned blacks who were able to move up the economic ladder more easily.  But what do these truths have to do with now?  And if our guilt is warranted what should we do?  I have only questions on this one.  Any ideas?

Widgets and Bells

I'm adding some new tek stuff to the blog in the next couple of days.  Please check it out and let me know whether it's too distracting.  I like this geek stuff a lot.  Sometimes I can go overboard with it.  Remember, I was the second-vice-chair of the Chicano Engineering Society at Stanford.  Once, a tekkie, always a tekkie.

Read about this new feature:

Introducing Snap Shots from Snap.com

I just installed a nice little tool on this site called Snap Shots that enhances links with visual previews of the destination site, including condensed excerpts of Wikipedia articles and IMDb profiles, instant playing of videos, display of stock charts and more.

Sometimes Snap Shots brings the information needed right to the readers, without them having to leave the site, while other times Snap Shots enables users to "look ahead," before deciding if they want to follow a link or not, saving them time and effort and increasing their ability to focus on the content that matters most to them.

However, should you decide this is not for you, just click "Disable" in the upper right corner of the Snap Shots bubble and opt-out.

Biracial Photographer: Mica Anders

Please visit photographer Mica Anders' new site Please Mark Only One.  It's an exciting photography project dealing with multiracial and multicultural and blended families.  Mica Anders will also be presenting work at the Loving Conference just a couple of weeks away!  (June 21-June 24 in Chicago)

Mixed Chicks, a new podcast on Talkshoe

You may notice a new widget on my blog today (upper-right hand corner).  I've started a weekly podcast.  Please check it out and let me know what you think.

Transracial Adoption in Ethiopia in the New York Times

Today, on the New York Times front page, a wonderful article on adoptions in Ethiopia and no one mentioned race.  How beautiful the photos: pictures of families and love.  Is this a first?