I was in the fifth grade. At the time, my family lived overseas on an American Air Force base. I was the only "black" girl in class--though I hadn't ever noticed that. If I had to come-up with a distinguishing identity it was that I could do multiplication tables faster and spell better than anyone in 5th grade. There was also a black boy in class: Michael Evans. I hadn't noticed that either until . . . close to the end of the year people started "going together." My friends told me that even though I liked Eric S. or Jay, I should be Michael Evans' girlfriend because he was black too. To them, it was the natural course of things. And I accepted it. Michael Evans and I started "going together" (the upshot of which was that we passed a lot of notes to each other).
All of this came to mind because of The Spiral's recent post on the new Bond, Daniel Craig. As I read her post, I thought: why she is fawning over Daniel Craig? Doesn't she know she's not allowed to do that? She should be celebrating Denzel or Jamie Foxx. The white boys are off-limits.
And I realized that was the rule I internalized twenty years ago when I was paired with Michael Evans. I mean, I even gave up my dream of marrying Andy Gibb or Robert Redford because I had come to understand that white boys don't date "black" girls. The rule is so internalized that it impacts my thoughts about match-making too. I have a few friends both male and female who are single. I have made a couple of feeble (though well-intentioned) introductions. But I have never tried to set up two folks who are different races. And if I do in the future, should I mention to them that I have?
It all turned out okay for me: Andy Gibb died young of a drug overdose (obviously not a suitable match)--and now it is clear that Robert Redford is too old for me (but still those eyes). I definitely picked right in the end. But what if I had even thought about crossing the color line?
Thank you Spiral for getting me to think about this: and giving me permission to publicly admit to my crushes on Jude Law and Matthew McConaghey!
