Light-skinned-ed Girl

the next step in the story behind the story

i started to look for the people -- the girl who survived and the grandmother or aunt she went to live with.  it looks like they recently moved.  i'm not sure what to do next.  would she welcome hearing from someone who has been haunted by her tragedy?  would she want someone to have written a story that is not her life?  would she think i understood or got it right?  has she put the story behind?  my next step.  i will write a letter . . .

the story behind Light-skinned-ed Girl

yesterday i found out the original newspaper article that haunted me and became the inspiration for the novel manuscript i have written.  i haven't looked at the "real story" for years--and i was nearly moved to tears when i looked at those real people's faces.  it is not their faces i've seen as i have been writing--but it was their real tragedy and their really gone.  but she has a real name; she had a real brother--a twin--who died; it was her real mother who took her to the top of the roof and threw her and her siblings off.  she really is still alive right now--just about 18-years-old i guess.  i want to find her.

searching

i've been trying to write the "story" of the novel manuscript and realize that there is something missing in the story i've been telling people at readings and lectures --and even socially when i catch up with friends.  the story is autobiographical only insofar as it is about a biracial and bicultural girl growing up in the northwest.  i guess that is to say: the confusion of the character is a confusion i experienced.  but, the story--the girl who survives the family tragedy--well, that's inspired by a real story i read about in the news many years ago.  so, as i think about the story of the story: i realize that i wrote this novel because i wanted to imagine the young girl's life--but now, the young girl must be going into puberty--and teenager-hood.  i think i will try to find her.

heidi blue

(Left to right: aqua heidi blue, aqua green heidi blue green, oceanic heidi blue)

heidi blue (a color spectrum of my name)

kelly has green.  heather has gray.  i want blue.  i will be posting the various shades of heidi blue so that people will understand what i mean.  some of my favorite colors: heidi blue (basic); oceanic heidi blue (alicia gave me a beautiful pashmina in this color); aqua heidi blue (the color of my new favorite corduroy denim jacket); aqua green heidi blue (you may think this is fudging and i'm trying to take over green but really i'm not, i swear, kind of); etc. etc.  if you have additions to the color please let me know and post something in that color.  pictures to come.

Nella Larsen

i'm working on a one-woman show about me and nella.  it makes me feel a little bit crazy as i think about the many similarities in our lives --maybe she was me.  maybe i get to be her better.

the n-word

if you are a black someone and a non-black someone is standing over you with a bat and uses the n-word and then knocks you upside the head: it should be clear to all that that is a hate crime.